Waiting....

Everyone that has been through the adoption process says the wait can be painful.  Like, a deep in your heart kind of pain.

Surprisingly, I have been pretty cool as a cucumber throughout this process...until today. IT HIT ME.

I am not sure why but today I woke up longing to have her here more than I ever have.  My heart hurts that she is not with us and the tears are flowing.

I am ready for her to be with us. I am ready for us to be a family of 5 all under one roof.  I want to have this face waking us up in the morning, sitting at the table with us for breakfast sneakily feeding Ellie, crawling all over and getting into everything and probably making the boys scream for destroying their latest Lego masterpiece.  I want that and I want it now.  I want her home. 

Right now we are waiting to receive our LOA (Letter of Approval) and once that is recieved we are about 2+ months out from traveling. I happened to get on our agency's FB group page today and saw that a few other families that had the same LID as us recieved LOA on Friday. So I know that I am just stewing in my "pity-full-ness" today of  "Why didn't WE get LOA yet?" 

(insert foot stomp and pouting lip).

What part of His plan am I not trusting?  I should just be at peace with where He is leading us but my flesh is driven by a bit of anxiety today that they are about to close for a week for Chinese New Year and that will put us at a delay even more!  Does He not know that???  Ha!

Funny enough, I have this verse on a post it note on my bathroom wall and read it every morning:

Don't worry about anything; 

instead, pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need, 

and thank him for all he has done. 

(Phil 4:6)

Well, today I need to SOAK in this verse and perhaps put the post it note on me to wear throughout the day!  I need to stop filling myself with worry about His timeline and convert all of that worthless energy into obedience-filled-absolutely-positively-trusting Him.  

So, if you will, please join me in prayer for 3 lil' letters......LOA.

xo-

Kelli

Introducing Landry Leah Munkel!

Here she is...

We recieved her file on 1/8 while at Chik-Fil-A with the boys.....luckily it was Alpharetta Elementary Night.  So while the kids were busy playing and getting tattoos (fake, of course) we were "those" parents sitting at the table with our heads buried in our cell phones reading through pages and pages of her file. We both new instantly that this was our Landry Leah and both had tears in our eyes!  

The Chik-Fil-A manager walked by and was like....

"Are you guys texting each other?"  

We were like, "No, we just found our daughter!!!!"  

(So technically the CFA manager was the first to know, sorry mom and dad!)

On Friday 1/9 we had to be in Peachtree City for adoption training, so it was a whirlwind morning to get her file over to Brett's mom (retired nurse) and our pediatrician for review.  We waited and prayed all weekend!  On Monday morning our pediatrician called us (on her day off) and reviewed the file with me.  Nothing came back alarming and we really didn't have many questions. We already knew she was ours!

On Monday afternoon we worked to get our paperwork back to our social worker so that our Letter of Intent could be sent to China.  It was sent on Tuesday 1/13 afternoon but we weren't able to share until we had PA (pre-approval) back from China.  Confession.....maybe we shared a little...I just couldn't stand it!

We have been busting at the seams since then with this secret so sorry to those of you who I lied to last week!  But ask away because today...

We got PA!!!!

She is about 16 months old right now and is the Province of Guangxi.  We still have a few months before we can actually travel to her and bring her home so please pray that the process works smoothly from here on out and that all paperwork is processed quickly.  Please pray for her that she remains safe and healthy.  Pray for our hearts as they now ache here wanting to be with her right this moment.  Pray for patience.

Also please pray for her birth mother.  Pray that God will put peace in her heart and that she will have a sense of comfort to know now that her child is safe and loved.

Oh, SO VERY LOVED!!!!

xo-
Kelli

DTC

We are DTC today!!  
Woohooo!!!











DTC means "Dossier to China".....so basically our file is being uploaded to China's system today! The packet of paper that we have so lovingly worked on these past 10 months is being put to use today...very good use!

Now it seems really really REAL!
FOR.REALZ.

Our next milestone is LID- Log In Date.  Our social worker said she would call us for that one so my phone will be glued to me......if I can keep it away from my kids and their constant melting carbonite notifications!


Also, I put a timeline on the right hand side for all to follow.
Thank you for all of the prayers and keep em comin'!

Kelli

Embracing 35....

*I have to first note that I have been "working " on this post for a while and have not had the courage to post it until now. So please forgive me if some of the timing sounds off- I have gone back to proof but may have missed somethings.


A few months ago at church I watched as 2 teenagers were baptized.  It was amazing and brought me to tears.  Tears of happiness that as such an young age, they "get it!"
It also brought me to tears for myself....mourning for the younger girl that I once was.

In one of my last blog posts I touched on my time with depression that started in my high school years and continued to "stalk" me through early adulthood. I often find myself thinking about that time in my life and mourning the person that I could be today had I not gone through that time in my life.  Don't get me wrong, I am 99.9% satisfied with where I am today:)  It's just hard not to think about who I could have become or how my life would have been different if I were to "get it" early on in life.

I recently started training to become a mentor at the church we attend.  I went into this training thinking, "OK, I've got this!"  My life is messy, my past is messier and here I am working to turn that mess into something good.  Little did I know, part of this training was to reflect on our past experiences and mentor each other through the curriculum.  The most recent time that I reflected on was 2008 & 2009 where I delivered Avery & Grace stillborn (at 5.5 mos. pregnant), suffered a miscarriage at 13 weeks and then delivered Braxton, who was diagnosed with Spina Bifida.

To label that year as overwhelming is a true understatement. As I have told you before, that year was dark and I had NO idea how to navigate my feelings those years. I was certainly not relying on God in those moments. I was relying on myself.  To be honest, I was angry with Him and wanted nothing to do with Him.  I was reacting to these circumstances how I had always reacted.....MY WAY..... because that is all I knew to do.

The day that we recieved Braxton's diagnosis I had 2 roads sitting in front of me.......to go absolutely crazy about all that had happened and continue my life in anger, sadness, regret & selfishness OR...
I could realize that I was broken and that I was ready to trust in God's plan for me and trust that is was a good plan. I wanted Him in my life more at that moment than I had ever wanted him before.

Looking at Braxton, the choice was very clear.  I wanted God's plan for me, for him and for our family.  I wanted HOPE, LOVE & PEACE and that is the direction our family has been going for the past 5+ years.

And it has been amazing.

Sure we have our ups and downs and we, by no means, have a "Perfect Life."  I am, by no means, the "Perfect Mom" or the "Perfect Wife", although Facebook may tell you different:)
We struggle.....sometimes daily.
And that is OK because this is who we are!
But I can tell you this, our commitment to each other as a family through Christ has brought a level of peace in our house that can never be replaced. As I have been told by others, it has brought a gracious dynamic that you can see in Brett and I as a couple and throughout our kid's spirits.

And here we are, our tenth year as a family.
And here I am......35 today.

If I could speak to that teenage-twenty-something Kelli......

I wish that I could hug her and speak truth to her.
I wish she would of known that she didn't have to be tough and independent to survive.
I wish she would of known that she was of value and is lovable.
I wish she would have respected herself.....emotionally, spiritually & physically.
I wish she would have known that she didn't have to be the one in control.
I wish she would have known that emotions do not represent truth.
I wish she would have known that she does measure up.
I wish she would have known that God was not punishing her for her sins.
I wish she would have known that she could be happy, no matter what her circumstances are.

And while it is sad that this is who I mourn for, it is unbelievably freeing to be rid of these false beliefs. It is peaceful.

I am still a mess and have mess in me.
But it is ME.
It is REAL.
It is TRUTH.

And I now know truth.
I now know that I don't have to be tough and independent to survive.
I now know that I am of value and am lovable.
I now respect myself.......emotionally, spiritually & physically.
I now know that I am not in control....and am more than happy to hand that over to God.
I now know that emotions are not truth, they are just simply emotions.
I now know that I will always measure up.
I now know that I am not being punished, as we all have trials in our lives.
I now know that it is my choice to be happy or not with my circumstances.

This is who I am and I am proud to own it because I am worth it.
I am of value.
I am loved.
I am loved by God and that is sufficient for me.

photo by Channah M.

Who would have thought 35 would feel so good????

xo- Kelli

I'm not one for signs, but........

Whenever there is a bit of doubt entering my mind about this adoption, God has shown to me that we are on the right path. 

To be honest with you, we have had some rough parenting moments lately and there are times where we are in the midst of a tough situation where my mind starts to think......

What are we going to do with 3 kids??? 
Can we handle this???
Maybe our plates are just too full right now!!!

Sometimes the obedience is hard to swallow when I am to busy selfishly second guessing my decisions. And then God appears and shows me how wrong I really am.

This morning I was in line at the Immigration Office waiting to get my Biometric fingerprints done. The lady in front of me was trying to strike up a conversation with Wyatt and noticed my paperwork. She proceeded to tell me that she was adopted.  She said she often thinks of her parents as the bravest people she knows. To take her as an abandoned child and give her unconditional love is just an amazing thing that has forever changed her life. And then she gracefully touched my arm and said, 

"This is a good thing that you are doing, and don't ever let the tough parts allow for doubt to creep in.  God bless you and your family." 

I stood there, tears welled in my eyes, barely able to speak a simple thank you as she proceeded to walk away to her appointment.

And that is it.

That is all I needed to push the doubt aside and know that we are on the right path to grow our family.

Trust in the lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all that you do and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Family of 5 Update!

Just wanted to give you all an update on where we are at with the adoption process.  As you know, our home-study was completed in May.  We ran into a few hiccups getting our home-study report written with needing some additional documents.

You see, each country has their own specific requirements when you are adopting internationally.  One of China's biggest requirements is to ensure that each parent is mentally healthy. To be honest with you all, which I am because if you have met me I am sure I have shared some parts of my life with you and they are always funny even if they are supposed to be sad.....and what I am about to share with you may not be shocking news to some but still sensitive to write.in.a.blog.
(whoa run-on nervous writing there that I won't delete)

I divert again!

Ok, to be honest with you, I have depression in my history. (phew! There, I said it) It brings me to tears to think of the sad girl/woman that I used to be and what low value I had placed on myself. I was diagnosed with depression in 1998 yet I have been depression free & medication fee since 2004. Because of my past diagnosis and since I have had what they are calling traumatic/tragic experiences happen in the past few years, I had to get a psychological clearance on my mental health.

Oh you think easy, just call a doctor and get it cleared.....not so much.

When I first starting researching, I could not find a doctor to do this for me b/c I was not an existing patient. Then when I did find one, they would want to see me for a minimum of 5-10 visits to "get to know me.".......uhhhh, can we see the money falling out of my wallet as we speak!!!!  So one night, I was truly frustrated and just got on Google and then wrote out a mass email to about 20 doctors and prayed about the situation as I went to bed that night.  The next morning I check my email.....one doc replied back.  He said that he is an adoptive parent and would love to help me!  Ahhhhh, can we say God send!!!  So he was able to get me in the next day and turned around my report in about 24 hours.  He was awesome!
One question that he did ask me was that with all that I had been through what made me want to get out of my depression....what was it that worked for me?

That is a question I had never been asked before.

I simply told him, "I found the want and need for a relationship with Jesus Christ....."
It is that simple.

I have learned that it is ok to be sad....that is a normal human emotion. I also learned that it is healthy to grieve and once you grieve you  have a choice to be happy. It is your choice to move on and that timeframe may look differently on everyone.  I remember after the twins died sitting in a therapist office, crying my eyes out and she suggesting that I go to my doctor to get put on medication.  I was like, are YOU crazy???  What sane person would NOT be crying with the immense loss I had just experienced.

I took the time to grieve, prayed my little heart out, then stepped out of my darkness and trusted Him with my story. His perfect story for me....

Again, diverting....I could talk about my experiences forever and the clarity that I now have.......

SO, now that my head was cleared we could move on to our I800A application which is our application to US Immigration to adopt internationally.  That application was pretty easy to fill out until it came to the "Have you ever been sited with a violation, other than traffic" question......yikes!

Let me just start off by saying this is a great lesson to be learned for all your kids out there that EVERYTHING comes back to haunt you!  So please share this story with your youngins....

You see, in 1998, I was tailgating at a UL football game with friends and received a ticket, I repeat TICKET.....not arrested......a ticket for drinking under age.  My choices at the time were to either pay the fine or I could complete a program offered that would then have the ticket expunged off my record.  This program involved community service, riding in an ambulance for a night, attending an alcohol awareness class and then writing a report on what I learned.  I, of course, chose the program that would have this removed from my record. Fast forward 16 years where I am in my first interview with our Social Worker and she asked me if I have ever received a citation, other than a traffic violation.  We knew that this would probably come up again.  I needed to write a statement and sign "under penalty of perjury" giving a detailed explanation of what happened, what I did to resolve it and what lessons I learned.  But once I started to fill out my I800A, I knew there was going to be more detail to this.  So one day I started the phone calls on how to get documentation proving that this was no longer on my record.  I was bounced around from department to department and person to person trying to find someone to help me.  They either couldn't find it on my record (because it had been expunged) or wouldn't give me information over the phone and wanted to see me in person....uhhhh, no....I live in Georgia!

i finally got in touch with a sweet soul filled with all sorts of patience who let me ramble on about my story and need for this document.  In her sweet lil cajun voice (my fav) she said, "Aww cher, I'll help you sweetheart!"  She put me in touch with the department that I completed the program with and they were able to find my records.  They were so sweet to write a letter stating that I had completed the program in 1998 and that the the charge, in fact, was expunged from my record.  Can I get an AMEN!

So see.....it all comes back to haunt you!

All documents were collected and signed and our I800A was sent to our social worker this week....woot woot:)

So now our next step it to get our Dossier (fancy word for paper packet) ready to send to China.  Once the immigration approval is back we will insert that document and all of our "hard work paper work" will be sent off.....and then the real clock starts ticking!

You will start to see a ton of acronyms that will dictate where we are in the process as I have learned there is a whole other "adoption language."  I will be sure to explain as they arise!

Kelli

Surprise!!!

After almost 40 years in nursing, Barb has retired.  

We thought we'd pull one over on her and surprise her with a party. 

Well, we got her.....

we got her good....REAL GOOD!

She thought she was coming to pick Mom Mom & Pop Pop
up to go to an Ice Cream Festival.

Great moments with friends, an appearance by Darth Vader
and a great toast by Ken.

Picture decor, latex gloves for lighting accents & a "Sign-a-Scrub" station.

Since Barb is a LOVER of chocolate, this delicious treat was very fitting.

Yummy snacks all around!

Pretzel Stick Thermometers

And a nursing party could not be complete without a
 "Specimen Toast"