Everyone that has been through the adoption process says the wait can be painful. Like, a deep in your heart kind of pain.
Surprisingly, I have been pretty cool as a cucumber throughout this process...until today. IT HIT ME.
I am not sure why but today I woke up longing to have her here more than I ever have. My heart hurts that she is not with us and the tears are flowing.
I am ready for her to be with us. I am ready for us to be a family of 5 all under one roof. I want to have this face waking us up in the morning, sitting at the table with us for breakfast sneakily feeding Ellie, crawling all over and getting into everything and probably making the boys scream for destroying their latest Lego masterpiece. I want that and I want it now. I want her home.
Right now we are waiting to receive our LOA (Letter of Approval) and once that is recieved we are about 2+ months out from traveling. I happened to get on our agency's FB group page today and saw that a few other families that had the same LID as us recieved LOA on Friday. So I know that I am just stewing in my "pity-full-ness" today of "Why didn't WE get LOA yet?"
(insert foot stomp and pouting lip).
What part of His plan am I not trusting? I should just be at peace with where He is leading us but my flesh is driven by a bit of anxiety today that they are about to close for a week for Chinese New Year and that will put us at a delay even more! Does He not know that??? Ha!
Funny enough, I have this verse on a post it note on my bathroom wall and read it every morning:
Don't worry about anything;
instead, pray about everything.
Tell God what you need,
and thank him for all he has done.
Well, today I need to SOAK in this verse and perhaps put the post it note on me to wear throughout the day! I need to stop filling myself with worry about His timeline and convert all of that worthless energy into obedience-filled-absolutely-positively-trusting Him.
So, if you will, please join me in prayer for 3 lil' letters......LOA.