Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Why I pray?

So many life changing events (or life challenging as I some times call them) have happened over the past years. It has been full of good, bad, heartache & joy.  We have cried, screamed, laughed & praised!

As we approach the 6th birthday tomorrow of Avery & Grace I got to thinking, 
"Why do I pray?"

That was such a devastating time for me and to be honest, I turned from God at that point in my life. I was so full of resentment & anger that I had no room for anything else and in the same breath I needed God so badly in my life.  It truly was a love/hate relationship that I had no idea how to navigate.

I feel that some people may think of prayer as either "working or not working" and that is the furthest from the truth.

I pray because that is what I need in my life.
I pray because I want something.
I pray because I need something.
I don't pray expecting to get my way.
I pray knowing that it may go unanswered, for now anyway.....
I pray because it calms my soul.
I pray because it makes me smile.
I pray because I want to be a good mom, wife, friend & daughter.
I pray for my husband.
I pray for my children.
I pray for my friends.
I pray for my family.
I pray for my enemy.
I pray because it works.
(I know, contradicting my thought above but believe me, I have seen some miracles)

Some people may ask, 
Why pray?  
Shouldn't God already know what you want?  

What if you don't get what  you want?

The answer is yes, God knows everything about us.....

But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.
Matthew 10:30

But that should not stop us from having a relationship with Him. Prayer is one of the ways to nurture that relationship.  It is a constant conversation that I am always having with Him.....driving in my car, taking a shower, eating, sleeping, running, playing with my kids, etc.  He needs that from us....He expects that from us.  It forms a bond, a relationship that is needed to sustain hope, keep faith and live whole.

And what if you don't get what you want.......

When our girls died in 2008 my first thought was that His answer to my prayer was "no," until my husband spoke.  He said that God actually has 3 answers to your prayers....yes, no & wait.   I had never heard that before and it was profound to hear and now to understand.  You see the "wait" part of it was true.  My girls were born as children of God and they were born straight to heaven.  It is comforting to know that we will one day meet them again.....

But for now, I just have to wait.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Our Family is Growing!

Years ago we traveled to a beautiful place called Kenya.....

I have to admit, I was SUPER anxious about this trip.  For one, I had never been to a foreign country besides Mexico.  For two, this wasn't going to be a luxury vacation.  We were going for purpose...for God's purpose.....we we going on a mission trip.  I had heard about these so called "trips" and I have heard that they change you forever, which is probably where most of my anxiety was coming from.  It called me to really take into account who I was as a person and challenge me to pull out these inner thoughts and feelings and make them raw.....make them real.

One of our first days there we traveled to an orphanage called Merciful Redeemer.  I will never forget what I saw there......let me repeat, never forget.

Images instilled on my heart forever and there was a reason. A reason I wasn't yet able to understand......

So here we are years later.

Last summer Brett and I started the discussion on if we wanted to expand our family.  I couldn't help this fear I had of being pregnant again.  (for those of you who are new to this blog can read about our journey here.)  Having children was not an easy thing for me and being pregnant again brings major anxiety to me with all that is unexpected.  I prayed and prayed about it and could not shake this feeling that being pregnant again was not the plan for me.  It was at this moment that I realized that adoption was the answer.  It wasn't that I didn't trust God to get me through another pregnancy. It was that God was keeping this fear in my heart for another reason......that maybe my child was already born.....that maybe I needed to turn my trust in God in another direction.

So, again, here we are years later and happy to announce that we are expanding our family by international adoption.  Much research has been had over the past months over international vs. domestic. We have had the privilege to speak to many people who have done both in addition to speaking with an adoption lawyer.  I have attended meetings, gone through and read a ton of blogs and have even watched a few documentaries on adoption. We submitted our preliminary application yesterday and should know what countries we are approved for in the next few days.

We are excited to be on this journey and can't help to think about our future child....if they are already born and just waiting for us! We are a bit nervous too as there is much involved and the keyword over the next few years will be PATIENCE......I have heard this waiting game can push you over the edge sometimes.  So we are asking you to pray....pray for patience, pray for our future child, pray for Braxton & Wyatt that this is a smooth transition for them and pray for us as we go on this journey.

Stay tuned........

Monday, January 6, 2014

Closing out 2013

2103 was a great year for us! 
A little bit of sad and a whole lotta happy..... Here are some of our highlights!

I started this blog:)
Thank you all for following!  I have been amazed so far at the great feedback:)

Celebrated 9 Years of Marriage
July 24th @ Rosemary Beach

Our boys became best friends this year...
or "best brothers" as they call themselves!

I accomplished some big physical goals this year!

BEST shape I have ever been in!


Brax turned 4!

Lost a great part of our family...said goodbye to our Rufus

Had a GREAT annual checkup for Braxton! (get the full story here)

Enjoyed some awesome trips to the dream summer!

I did my first ever "modeling gig" for a Women Over 30 campaign

Braxton started Pre-K!

Gained a new family member....Miss Ellie Munkel

Wyatt turned 3!

Cut Wyatt's hair (I am sure I will get some hate mail over this one!)

And had a VERY Merry Christmas!

Isn't this what it is all about??

No big resolutions here.....just get back to it, you know, gettin fit and stuff:)  Making more time for God and my family and really trying to do some positive things in my life that I have been talking about doing.
I have decided to put down the urge to be on social media so much and focus more on blogging so there will be many more posts than there were last year.

We have a very exciting year ahead of us filled with new physical goals, big anniversaries and a few surprises up our sleeves so make sure you enter your email to follow (upper right corner) because you won't want to miss it!

Happy New Year!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Super Wyatt!

A party fit for a Superhero......


Wyatt turned 3 in November and requested a Captain America party! 
 Luckily between Pinterest, Hobby Lobby and Dollar Tree, 
I was able to pull this off since Captain America is not the most popular character.

Fruit Shield!

My Wy LOVES popcorn so we had a popcorn bar with his
favorite flavors:  Kettle Corn, Buttered & Cheese:)

a dollar tree bank cut to make a fork cup

Super Cupcakes!

some great helpers adding the finishing touches

His cake- a mix of homemade with store bought cupcakes

(with our super city backdrop made from a blue sheet,
pillow stuffing, foam core & yellow paper)

It rained so we turned the garage into a playground

my birthday guy

I even had a twinsie!

Pop made a great Captain America!

Happy Birthday Wyatt!

Wolverine Brax & Captain America (Pop)

Fart Gun =

My Wyatt is growing into such a loving boy!  He is still so snuggly and always showering me with hugs and kisses. 
 He loves to aggravate his brother as I am sure any sibling does, therefore we call him the Nudge:)
He is SO funny but not an "on purpose funny"...just his disposition and overall personality 
keeps us laughing all the time!