Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Why I pray?

So many life changing events (or life challenging as I some times call them) have happened over the past years. It has been full of good, bad, heartache & joy.  We have cried, screamed, laughed & praised!

As we approach the 6th birthday tomorrow of Avery & Grace I got to thinking, 
"Why do I pray?"

That was such a devastating time for me and to be honest, I turned from God at that point in my life. I was so full of resentment & anger that I had no room for anything else and in the same breath I needed God so badly in my life.  It truly was a love/hate relationship that I had no idea how to navigate.

I feel that some people may think of prayer as either "working or not working" and that is the furthest from the truth.

I pray because that is what I need in my life.
I pray because I want something.
I pray because I need something.
I don't pray expecting to get my way.
I pray knowing that it may go unanswered, for now anyway.....
I pray because it calms my soul.
I pray because it makes me smile.
I pray because I want to be a good mom, wife, friend & daughter.
I pray for my husband.
I pray for my children.
I pray for my friends.
I pray for my family.
I pray for my enemy.
I pray because it works.
(I know, contradicting my thought above but believe me, I have seen some miracles)

Some people may ask, 
Why pray?  
Shouldn't God already know what you want?  

What if you don't get what  you want?

The answer is yes, God knows everything about us.....

But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.
Matthew 10:30

But that should not stop us from having a relationship with Him. Prayer is one of the ways to nurture that relationship.  It is a constant conversation that I am always having with Him.....driving in my car, taking a shower, eating, sleeping, running, playing with my kids, etc.  He needs that from us....He expects that from us.  It forms a bond, a relationship that is needed to sustain hope, keep faith and live whole.

And what if you don't get what you want.......

When our girls died in 2008 my first thought was that His answer to my prayer was "no," until my husband spoke.  He said that God actually has 3 answers to your prayers....yes, no & wait.   I had never heard that before and it was profound to hear and now to understand.  You see the "wait" part of it was true.  My girls were born as children of God and they were born straight to heaven.  It is comforting to know that we will one day meet them again.....

But for now, I just have to wait.

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